I’ve just been declared a true patriot. Not bad for an award I didn’t even know about, much less seek. Let’s make sure I qualify:

To qualify for the award FIRST you need to agree with Just ONE of our many posts!

OK, let’s see if I can find a post in there that I agree with. This one says al Qaeda should not get a vote in our elections. I agree. Hey, that was easy.

Have you ever noticed that 90% of the political bumper stickers you see on cars express far-left views, while the other 10% express far right ones? The one thing I don’t think I’ve ever seen is a bumper sticker expressing a politically moderate view. Here are a few I’d like to see:

• Lieberman for President
• OK, make that Kerry for President, I guess. Sure, why not?
• It’s a child and a choice.
• Let’s keep guns out of the wrong hands, and in the right hands (mine).
• Support first-trimester abortion rights!
• I support a modest reduction in the capital gains tax – and I vote occasionally.
• California’s 10 day waiting period is unconstitutional. Eight, I can live with.
• If you take my gun, it won’t be from my cold, dead fingers, but I will be pretty pissed at you.
• Try not to watch too much TV.
• Don’t blame me, Bush would have won even if I hadn’t voted for him.
• It would be great if someday the schools got all the money they needed, but boy oh boy would it suck if the air force had to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber.
• War is sometimes, but not usually, the answer.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

UPDATE: Ha.

Via Patterico: Kevin Roderick reports that L.A. Dog Trainer journalist / token reasonable person Roy Rivenburg has been caught red-handed in a scandal. Rivenburg’s sin? Teaching a journalism class to a group of Klansmen? No, much worse than that: he taught the class to a group of … shudder … Christians. On the first read, that struck me as fairly innocuous; they allow atheists and members of other religions to be journalists, don’t they? So why not add a Christian or two to the mix, just to round things out, I thought. Then a commenter to L.A. Observed named Nancy cracked the code and set the record straight:

“Christian Journalism” sounds like a code word for “biased, right-wing journalism.”

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Get a load of this spam some Kerry supporter just sent me, with forged headers purporting to be from BushCheney04@GeorgeWBush.com:

Resume of George W. Bush

February 26, 2004, 05:15 PM

Past Work Experience:

I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie. I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.

Translation: unlike that joker who’s challenging me, I have business experience.

I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.

Translation: I bought a baseball team.

With my father’s help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.

Wait a minute. Stop the presses. Do you seriously mean to suggest that GWB’s father’s name actually helped him get elected? I’m shocked, I tell you, shocked! What are you going to tell us next? Who knows, maybe Tennessee Senator Albert Gore, Sr. helped get Albert Gore, Jr. elected to … oh, I forget, what was it? … Senator from Tennessee?

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The results are in, albeit in a temporary undisclosed location. Congratulations to , for the winning Council entry, “20 Questions I’d Like to Ask John F*** Kerry,” and to Citizen Smash for the winning non-Council entry, “Down the Rabbit Hole.”

Cool.

CNN (double-hat tip to Uncle and Ravenwood) has managed to do the impossible and make Benton County, Oregon’s lawlessness look even worse than it really was. Check out the headline:

Oregon county bans all marriage

Of course, no county has the power to “ban” marriage. As I noted before, they don’t even have the power – legally, anyway – to refuse to issue marriage licenses to those who meet the requisite criteria. Meanwhile, as an astute commenter has noted, any lawful wedding scheduled to take place in Benton County can go forward as planned; the couple will just have to drive to another county to obtain the license. Hopefully, when this is all over, they will personally sue the individual supervisors for the extra mileage and other expenses they incurred because of their illegal stunt, but that’s another issue. The point here is that marriages were not “banned” in the county solely because the county clerks won’t do their jobs.

Meanwhile, Hardy Myers, the Oregon Attorney General, appears to be competing with California’s over who can make a bigger fool of himself in public:

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After freezing me at #107 for several weeks straight, TTLB has finally promoted me to Playful Primate. I’m taking this with a grain of salt, as both TTLB and SiteMeter have been acting screwy lately. For example, I got zero visits from 3/16-3/19, even though I got plenty of comments and trackbacks for those days. So maybe these systems are screwing someone else over now. Or maybe not?

UPDATE: Oh well, that was fun for the one whole day that it lasted.

Michele reminds us all why his name has been made into a verb.