You’ve probably seen the ads for G.M.’s “Truckfest,” which consists of a $1,000 rebate and five years of free financing if your credit is good. What you may not hvae noticed is the fine print:

*Take delivery by June 1, 2004. Monthly payment is $16.67 for every $1,000 financed. Example down payment is 12%. Some customers will not qualify. Available on most 2004 model trucks, SUVs and vans. See your dealer for details.

0% APR for 60 months plus $1,000 bonus cash not available with Chevrolet Colorado and Silverado crew cab models, GMC Sierra and canyon crew cab models, Cadillac Escalade ESV and SRX, Hummer H2, and Chevrolet SSR. It is available for most other GMC trucks and SUVs; however, those are just overpriced Chevys under a different name. In fact, that’s why we call them “Gimmick Trucks.” What did you think the letters G-M-C were supposed to mean, “Grand Marshall’s Cadillac?” So go ahead, buy one if you wish, but if you do, you’re a boob.

OK, so maybe I made up those last four sentences. The rest is legit, honest. From the ad, here are the impressions I got.

1. You can’t get this deal on or after June 2, 2004.
2. $1,000 ÷ 60 = $16.67.
3. To qualify for this incentive, you must make a 12% down payment. Better (or worse) incentives may (or may not) exist for those who put more (or less) than 12% down.
4. If your credit score is below 700, you might not qualify for this deal. If it’s below 670, fuhgeddaboudit.
5. A few of our models are so popular we don’t need this incentive to sell them. If you vant to drive an Ahnold-mobile, you must pay Ahnold-money. Sorry.

As far as I can determine, #1, #2, #4 and #5 are all correct; however, #3 is not. Apparently, “Example” means just that, example. It might be a more helpful example if it meant anything, th/$1,000 had something to do with it. But it doesn’t. I got the deal with a $0.00 down payment. Apparently, the deep meaning behind this example is “hey, be a mensch and give us a 12% down payment for no particular reason.” O-kay.