Two years ago, I told you about TurboTax’s bug-like “feature” that prevented users from installing the product on more than one computer. I wrote the following about Turbo Tax, which at the time had a “feature” to prevent its installation on more than one computer - which in my case had actually prevented me from re-installing it on the same computer:

Aside from the pathetic implementation, I’m really not clear on what Intuit hopes to accomplish by prohibiting licensed users from installing their software on more than one computer. This is not like Microsoft’s OS, where two copies actually get you the benefit of being able to do twice as much (i.e., run two Windows-based computers at once). In an age where many families have more than one computer under a single roof, tax software that refuses to install on more than one computer makes about as much sense as a “smart book” that remembers that you read Chapters 1-3 in the living room, and automagically becomes unusable when you attempt to read Chapter 4 in the bedroom (or worse, in the same living room, after you rearrange the furniture). Whatever they are attempting to accomplish, they seem to think that preventing you from making two copies is more important than convincing you to buy one copy in the first place.

At the time, my blog was a clueless enterprise that was lucky to top 30 hits a day, so I can’t exactly claim credit for the outrage that ensued. It was there, however, and within months, Intuit reversed its policy and apologized to its users for the boner they had pulled. In that letter, they wrote:

You told us that you want the flexibility to install and use TurboTax on multiple computers, and we heard you, loud and clear. We responded back in May by committing to remove the technology from TurboTax for 2003 and now, we’ve expanded our license agreement so you can use TurboTax fully on multiple computers to do returns for yourself and members of your household. We’ve also made it possible for you to use your current 2002 version of TurboTax fully on multiple computers.

Notwithstanding their about-face, which I did appreciate, I still went to their competitor, TaxCut, last year. My thinking was that however admirable Intuit’s repentance may be, it is more admirable still to have never sinned in the first place. So I used it last year, without any problems, and instinctively bought the 2004 edition yesterday, while excellent deals were (are) still running on both products at Fry’s. Then, today, I tried installing the damned thing, and guess what? Right there in the End User Licensing Non-Agreement (EULNA), I was informed after the fact that I had “agreed” to the following (all italics added, all caps in original):

BY CLICKING YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS AGREEMENT, OR BY INSTALLING, ACCESSING OR USING THE SOFTWARE OR ANY COMPONENT OF THE SOFTWARE, YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE READ ALL OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF THIS AGREEMENT, UNDERSTAND THEM, AND AGREE TO BE LEGALLY BOUND BY THEM. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO ALL OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS IN THIS AGREEMENT, YOU MAY NOT USE THE SOFTWARE. IN SUCH EVENT, IMMEDIATELY (BUT IN ANY EVENT WITHIN TEN (10) DAYS OF THE DATE OF ORIGINAL PURCHASE OF YOUR LICENSE) RETURN THE SOFTWARE IN ITS ORIGINAL PACKAGING TO THE AUTHORIZED VENDOR FROM WHICH YOU ACQUIRED IT, OR CALL BLOCK AT 1-888-482-9288 FOR RETURN INSTRUCTIONS.

Got that? By merely possessing a product for 10 days, H&R Block believes you can be deemed to have “agreed” to whatever nutty stuff they may have put into a EULNA that you have not had an opportunity to read. It’s a good thing I tried installing this bugger within 10 days of purchasing it, rather than, say, in January, when I actually might want to, um use it.

1. License and Permitted Use. Subject to the terms and conditions of this Agreement, Block grants to you a limited, non-exclusive, non-sublicensable, non-transferable right and license to install and use the Software (the “License”). This License is expressly conditioned on your: (i) only using the Software in the manner permitted by this Agreement and in accordance with the type of license that you purchased and for which you have paid any applicable fees; (ii) installing and using the Software on a single computer and at no time having the Software installed on two or more computers at the same time;

Isn’t that special? Upon encountering that, for the first time in my life I actually clicked “I decline” rather than “I accept” during the installation process. Seeing as that specific policy was the whole reason I switched from TurboTax to TaxCut in the first place, this alone was a deal-breaker. But the EULNA goes on to prohibit re-distribution of the software, which is almost certainly a violation of the first sale doctrine of copyright law. It also purports to prohibit reverse engineering, and countless other legally protected activities which do not concern me personally. This part would, however, if I were keeping the product:

5. Accuracy of Calculations. If the Software makes an arithmetic error that results in your payment of a penalty and/or interest to the IRS that you would otherwise not have been required to pay, Block will reimburse you, after you pay the IRS, for the amount of the penalty and interest paid by you up to a maximum of ten thousand dollars ($10,000), but only if you meet all of the following conditions: (1) the penalty and interest is for a 2004 tax year return; (2) the penalty and/or interest is assessed against you by the IRS and relates solely to an arithmetic error made by the Software, and not an incorrect entry of data, data incorrectly imported into the Software from a financial institution or other software, a claim for an improper or undocumented deduction, a failure to report income, a failure to follow instructions in the Software, an incorrect interpretation of the law by you, a failure to submit a required form or line item, or any other reason; (3) you were not notified of errors in the Software in time for you to file an amended return and avoid or reduce the penalty or interest; (4) you notified Block at H&R Block, TaxCut Research Team, P.O. Box 112563, Carrollton, TX 75011 as soon as you learned of the mistake (and in no event later than thirty (30) days after the penalty or interest is assessed); (5) your tax return was prepared using the 2004 tax year version of the Software in accordance with this Agreement and the operating instructions; (6) the penalty and interest was for a return filed on or before the last day the IRS accepts originally filed returns without an extension (traditionally April 15), or if the filing date is properly extended, before the relevant extended filing deadline (except that for late filed returns Block will not pay interest from the date the return was originally due to the date you actually file your return); and (7) you sent Block complete documentation of the penalty and/or interest including all correspondence to and from the IRS, a copy of your tax return as filed with the IRS (in paper and electronic media in a format readable by TaxCut software), proof that you paid the penalty and/or interest and other information Block reasonably requests. For purposes of item (3), above, posting of information online at http://www.taxcut.com constitutes notice by Block of such errors. If you purchased a license for a state TaxCut program from Block or its authorized reseller, references in this paragraph to the IRS shall also include the state Revenue Authority for the state of the TaxCut program you purchased. In no event will Block reimburse you for more than an aggregate of ten thousand dollars ($10,000) in interest and penalties owed to the IRS and any state Revenue Authority based upon all tax returns you filed for the 2004 tax year, regardless of whether the tax returns are federal or state returns. THIS SECTION STATES BLOCK’S ENTIRE OBLIGATION AND LIABILITY, AND YOUR SOLE AND EXCLUSIVE REMEDY, FOR ANY ERRORS IN YOUR RETURN CAUSED BY THE SOFTWARE.

In other words, this software can be so incredibly bad as to earn you $50,000 in IRS penalties, and you’ll still be left holding the bag for at least $40,000 of it. If you can’t fork over the money to the IRS first, you’re not seeing any of it. Even if you do, H&R Block still won’t reimburse you if they posted information about the error somewhere on their web site where you will never find it, or if your return was filed late without a proper extension (even though this has nothing to do with the basis of the fine), or, best/worst of all, if the error happened for any “reason.”

Just when you thought their warranties couldn’t possibly get any worse, they did:

8. Exclusion of Other Warranties. OTHER THAN THOSE EXPRESS WARRANTIES SET FORTH IN THIS AGREEMENT, THERE ARE NO EXPRESS, IMPLIED OR STATUTORY WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND ARISING OUT OF OR RELATING TO THE SOFTWARE OR THIS AGREEMENT, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION ANY IMPLIED OR OTHER WARRANTIES (i) OF MERCHANTABILITY, OF FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, NON-INFRINGEMENT, WORKMANLIKE EFFORT, QUALITY, ACCURACY, TIMELINESS, COMPLETENESS, TITLE, QUIET ENJOYMENT, NO ENCUMBRANCES, NO LIENS, OR SYSTEM INTEGRATION; (ii) THAT THE SOFTWARE OR ANY PART THEREOF CONFORM TO ANY DEMONSTRATION OR PROMISE BY BLOCK; (iii) ARISING THROUGH COURSE OF DEALING, COURSE OF PERFORMANCE OR USAGE OF TRADE; OR (iv) THAT ACCESS TO OR USE OF THE SOFTWARE OR ANY PART THEREOF WILL BE UNINTERRUPTED, ERROR OR DEFECT FREE OR COMPLETELY SECURE, OR THAT PROBLEMS WILL BE CORRECTED. EXCEPT AS PROVIDED ABOVE, THERE ARE NO WARRANTIES THAT EXTEND BEYOND THE FACE OF THIS AGREEMENT.

To the average nonlawyer, disclaimers of merchantability, fitness for a particular purpose, non-infringement, workmanlike effort, quality, accuracy, title, quiet enjoyment, no encumbrances, no liens or system integration sounds like a bunch of incomprehensable legalese that’s not meant to be read by anybody. In a sense, that’s exactly what they are. In another sense, however, these disclaimers are at leasts supposed to actually mean something. Here’s what they mean, in plain English:

1. Merchantability. This product might be so bad that if you were a merchant, you’d have trouble re-selling it. The actual definition per UCC § 2-314 is a bit more complicated than that, but that’s the gist.
2. Fitness for a Particular Purpose, System Integration. You thought this software was good enough to file a tax return with? Boo-yah!
3. Non-Infringement. Maybe we wrote the software ourselves, or maybe we didn’t. For all you know, maybe we just pirated Turbo-Tax and slapped our name on it. If that happens, better hope the good people at Intuit don’t find out about you, or they’ll sue you for infringing their copyright, and we won’t reimburse you for your damages. As to them finding out about you, rest assured that they will, since they’ll surely sue us first and then get a complete list of everyone who registered the product, claimed a rebate on it, bought it from us directly, or identified themselves to us in any other way.
4. Workmanlike Effort. This one means exactly what it sounds like it means. We don’t warrant that our programmers are professionals who know or care what they are doing. Maybe they are, maybe they’re not. Maybe we hire an infinite number of monkeys to punch in whatever code we happen to end up with.
5. Quality. This too means exactly what it says. The product might be great, it might be so-so, or it could be an unmitigated piece of crap.
6. Accuracy. Remember when I railed before about the $10,000 limit on their liability in the event that their software makes a computational error that gets you in trouble with the IRS? Never mind that. The software isn’t warranted to be accurate at all, so even if you somehow managed to get fined without it being caused by any “reason,” you still won’t collect since there is no warranty of accuracy.
7. Title. OK, so maybe we didn’t pirate the software from TurboTax. Maybe the software is legit, but we don’t really own it. In which case, you don’t, either.
8. No Encumbrances & No Liens.Oh yeah, and if we do own it, maybe we’ve mortgaged it or done some other funky crap that impairs our legal right to sell it to you, or your right to keep it once we do. That’s your problem, not ours.
9. Quiet Enjoyment. Maybe this software is so incredibly godawful that it will take over your computer, then all computerized devices in your house, then the non-computerized ones as well, after which you may not be able to sleep at night due to all the noises caused by the devices our software has caused to malfunction. The only thing they promise it won’t do is to burn down your house, destroy the heater, or otherwise render it uninhabitable, which seems to be the only friggin’ warranty they don’t disclaim.

Now that H&R Block has all but guaranteed they can never be liable to you for any about of money for any reason, they throw this in, just in case:

b. IN NO EVENT SHALL BLOCK’S MAXIMUM AGGREGATE, CUMULATIVE LIABILITY, IF ANY, ARISING OUT OF OR RELATED TO THIS AGREEMENT AND THE SOFTWARE FOR ANY AND ALL CAUSES WHATSOEVER, REGARDLESS OF THE FORM OF THE ACTION OR THEORY OF LIABILITY, EXCEED YOUR ACTUAL, DOCUMENTED DIRECT DAMAGES INCURRED, UP TO THE GREATER OF: (i) AMOUNTS YOU PAID TO BLOCK OR ITS AUTHORIZED RESELLER FOR YOUR LICENSE TO THE SOFTWARE, OR (ii) TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS ($25).

So, depending on the price you paid for this shitty software, you may not even get your purchase price back. Don’t like it? Sue! Oh, wait, I almost forgot. You can’t:

10. Arbitration Provision. The parties agree that any claim, dispute or controversy, whether in contract, tort (intentional or otherwise), whether pre-existing, present or future, and including constitutional, statutory, common law, regulatory, and equitable claims in any way arising out of or relating to: (i) the Software and any services provided to you in connection with the Software; (ii) advertisements, promotions, or oral or written statements arising out of or relating to the Software; (iii) Block’s privacy policy and the collection, use and disclosure of your User Information and Tax Information; or (iv) the relationships of the parties, including the validity, enforceability or scope of this Agreement or any part hereof (collectively, the “Claim”), including, but not limited to, the issue whether a particular Claim must be submitted to arbitration, shall be resolved, upon the election of either you or Block, by binding arbitration pursuant to this arbitration provision and the applicable rules of either Judicial Arbitration and Mediation Services, Inc. (”JAMS”) or the National Arbitration Forum (”NAF”) in effect at the time the Claim is filed. The party initiating the arbitration proceeding shall have the right to select one of these two arbitration administrators. The arbitrator must be a lawyer with more than ten (10) years of legal experience or a retired or former judge. In the event of a conflict between this arbitration provision and the rules of the arbitration administrator, this arbitration provision shall govern. Block hereby agrees not to invoke its right to arbitrate an individual Claim you may bring in small claims court, if any, so long as the Claim is pending only in that court. No class actions, or joinder or consolidation of claims with other persons, are permitted in court or in the arbitration without the written consent of the parties hereto. On any Claim you file, you will pay the first $50.00 of the filing fee. At your request, Block will pay the remainder of the filing fee and any administrative or hearing fees charged by the arbitration administrator, up to $250.00 on any Claim asserted by you in the arbitration. If the arbitrator grants an award in your favor in excess of an amount, if any, offered to you by Block in settlement of your Claim, Block will reimburse you for any additional fees paid or owed by you to the arbitration administrator up to the amount of the fees that would have been charged if the original Claim had been for the amount of the actual award in your favor. If the arbitrator issues an award in Block’s favor, you will not be required to reimburse Block for any fees they have previously paid to the arbitration administrator on your behalf or for which they are responsible. Any participatory arbitration hearing that you attend will take place in the federal judicial district in which you live. This arbitration agreement is made pursuant to a transaction involving interstate commerce, and shall be governed by the Federal Arbitration Act, 9 U.S.C. §§ 1-16 (the “FAA”). The arbitrator shall apply substantive law consistent with (i) the FAA, and (ii) except where inconsistent with the FAA, the choice of law provision of Section 11(c) of this Agreement. The arbitrator’s award shall not be subject to appeal, except as permitted by the FAA. Upon request of either party, the arbitrator shall prepare a short, reasoned, written opinion supporting the arbitration award. Judgment upon the award may be entered in any court having jurisdiction. Nothing in this arbitration provision shall prevent either of the parties from seeking or obtaining injunctive relief as a result of a violation or threatened violation of this Agreement, to protect Block’s intellectual property rights or to prevent the tolling of any applicable statute of limitations, and any such injunctive action shall not constitute a waiver of the requirement of arbitration for any Claim. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO LITIGATE CLAIMS IN COURT BEFORE A JUDGE OR JURY, BUT YOU AGREE TO RESOLVE ANY SUCH CLAIMS THROUGH ARBITRATION AND HEREBY KNOWINGLY AND VOLUNTARILY WAIVE YOUR RIGHTS TO LITIGATE SUCH CLAIMS IN COURT BEFORE A JUDGE OR A JURY, UPON ELECTION OF ARBITRATION BY BLOCK OR BY YOU. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU WILL NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO PARTICIPATE AS A REPRESENTATIVE OR MEMBER OF ANY CLASS OF CLAIMANTS PERTAINING TO ANY CLAIM SUBJECT TO ARBITRATION, EVEN IF SUCH CLASS ACTION IS PENDING ON THE DATE OF YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF THIS AGREEMENT.

Translated: you acknowledge that you have a right to litigate in court (other than small claims court, which won’t touch anything about the $10,000 cap anyway), but you voluntarily waive that right by using the software you thought you had purchased (and which your state also thought you had purchased, assuming they charged sales tax on it).

Oh, and did I say small claims court? I meant, of course, the small claims court of Jackson County, Missouri. Don’t even think of suing or attempting to arbitrate anywhere else:

11(c). Governing Law; Forum. This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of the State of Missouri, without regard to conflicts of law provisions. Subject to, and without limiting, Section 10 of this Agreement, the parties agree that the exclusive jurisdiction of any dispute arising out of, or relating to, this Agreement or any dispute arising out of, or relating to, the Software or services provided in connection therewith shall be in the courts located in the county of Jackson, State of Missouri.

OK, you say. No problem! I know an excellent lawyer in Jackson County, Missouri, so there! Not so fast. Small claims courts don’t generally allow you to be represented by a lawyer, and even if they did, what’s the point? Remember, you’re only suing for $25, if that.

Riddle me this: if all this crap were printed on the box, would you even think of purchasing TaxCut? If so, then by all means, go ahead and buy it. If not, you might want to consider TurboTax instead. Better still, purchase TaxCut first, then return it, and when asked why, tell them you did it because of the unreasonable EULA you’d been asked to “agree” to after the fact. Either way, get your ass to Frey’s Fry’s by Tuesday, while specials are running on both.