A Commercial
Option 1: Monday night, 11:58 p.m. at San Quentin, Stanley “I Didn’t Do It But I Redeemed Myself By Allowing Some Chick To Put My Name On Some Inspid Kiddie Books” Williams sits on a gurney, awaiting his fate. The phone rings. The guard picks up, says “why hello! … OK … Well, yes, of course. Boy, was that close!” He hangs up, turns to the Tookinator and says “Good news! I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico!”
Option 2: Camera zooms in on San Quentin by night. Voice over says “Outdoors, it’s 12:01 on a Tuesday. But inside here … it’s Fryday!”
Option 3: _____________
December 13th, 2005 at 12:01 am
I miss the gas chamber. The whole lethal injection thing is too nice.
Having said that:
50 cc Sodium Thiopental — $10
50 cc Pavulon — $20
50 cc Potassium chloride — $30
A horde of liberal celebrities crying crocodile tears over a multiple-murderer: Priceless.
December 13th, 2005 at 7:09 am
Camera shows Tookie being strapped into electric chair, then zooming in to his left wrist, which shows the Timex watch he’s wearing.
Camera pans to control room, showing operator throwing switches for about 20 seconds.
Camera pans back to Tookie and zooms to left wrist, showing Timex watch still keeping accurate time.
Voice over: Timex. It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
December 13th, 2005 at 7:35 am
I like that one. Another version, based on a much older commercial, would have the watch withstanding all manner of punishment prior to the excecution, but finally exploding during it. Afterwards, one executioner asks the other what time it is. The response: “It’s time for another Timex.”
December 13th, 2005 at 8:06 am
*ring ring*
“Hello, San Quentin State Prison, Death Row, Steve Speaking, how may I assist you tonight?”
“Dis is de governator. Ah want to talk to Tooooooooookie”
“Right, please hold.”
“Arnold! What up! This is good news, right?”
“Toooooookie. Remembah when Ah Sahd Ah’d keeeeel you laaaahst?”
“Yeah! Yeah! You did! You promised!”
“Ah lieeed”
*click*
December 13th, 2005 at 9:17 am
Given the reports that the injection took a bit longer than planned:
Commerical opens with the technicians fiddling with the hoses, Tookie strapped to the table eating a Snickers bar with one hand while the voice over asks: “Not going anywhere for a while?”…
December 13th, 2005 at 3:46 pm
LOL! Steve wins.
December 13th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
I like Addison’s, being the Ahnuld movie line fan that I am!! Good one, Addy!
December 14th, 2005 at 11:27 am
Commercial opens with Williams’ being strapped to the gurney, the eyes of everyone on him, a look of despair in his own eyes, while the voiceover says, “Want to get away? Southwest has flights to hundreds of getaway spots…”
December 15th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Or, back to the gas chamber idea:
Plop, plop, Fizz, fizz, boy what a relief it is…
December 16th, 2005 at 5:06 pm
The guard strapped me to the gurney and held the needle over my arm. He said, “Try it, you’ll like it!”
So I tried it.
Thought I was gonna die.
December 21st, 2005 at 12:36 pm
Zoom in on a package arriving at San Quentin. We see the date is Monday. The package label reads, ‘50 cc Sodium Thiopental, 50 cc Pavulon, 50 cc Potassium chloride’
“When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.