My Top 50 (?) Conservative Rock Songs of All Time
John J. Miller of NRO recently compiled a list of top 50 allegedly conservative rock songs, most of which struck me as a tad contrived. I’ve decided to compile a list of my own, which are also a bit contrived but hopefully less so than his. So far, I’ve only been able to come up with 25, so I’m relying on all y’all* to supply the rest.
- “Killed by Death,” by Motorhead. Death is the leading cause of all teen and childhood fatalities. This song drives that message home.
- “Let’s Impeach the President,” by Neil Young. One of the few rockers with the guts to say what needed to be said. No. 2 only because it was written 8 years too late to do any real good.
- “Boris the Spider,” by The Who. Champions the traditional Anglo-Saxon right to self-defense by celebrating the grisly death of an intruder.
- “Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap,” by AC/DC. Criticizes school headmasters who trade diplomas for sexual favors. Written in this mid-1970s, this family values song was well ahead of the curve.
- “Not Ready to Make Nice,” by the Dixie Chicks. Lyrics imply that Bush-bashers are petty jerks who can’t get over themselves.
- “Dick in the Dirt,” by Sammy Hagar. Promotes non-victim mentality through repeated references to the protagonist being knocked down, and getting right back up, and denying that it even hurt.
- “Southern Man,” by Neil Young. Refers to the South, where conservative values generally prevail.
- “Barbara Ann,” by the Beach Boys. Provided the melody and a first crack at the lyrics for such hits as “Bomb Iran,” and later, “Bomb Iraq.” Honorable mention to
- “Sweet Neo-Con,” by the Rolling Stones. From the same rockers who brought you that conservative anthem “Sympathy for the Devil,” this song not only talks about neoconservatives, it even describes them (or at least one of them) as “sweet.” What a deal.
- “War Pigs,” by Black Sabbath. Criticizes a war begun by a Democrat, and reaffirms belief in a Day of Judgment, on which all people will be held accountable for their sins.
- “Piss on the Wall,” by J. Geils Band. Demonstrates the futility of modern pop psychology (“some folks thing the world is what it ain’t / to some I’m a sinner, to others a saint / some folks thing the world ain’t what it is..”) and calls for peace and understanding between NATO allies (“the Greeks hate the turks / I really hate to say it but they’re all a bunch of jerks.”
- “Mother,” by Pink Floyd. Promotes a healthy distrust of big government by asking rhetorically, “Mother, should I trust the government?”
- “Holiday in Cambodia,” by the Dead Kennedys. Granted, the group’s name is a tad vile, but at least they didn’t name themselves after any of the living Kennedys. This song criticizes Pol Pot, a brutal communist dictator, and takes jabs at (generally left-leaning) college pinheads who have “been to school for a year or two” from which they naïvely conclude that they’ve “seen it all.”
- “Hot Blooded,” by Foreigner. In this popular 1970s ditty, singer Lou Gramm implictly condemns statutory rape by asking his prospective one night stand if she’s “old enough.”
- “Highway to Hell,” by AC/DC. Promotes personal responsibility by candidly acknowledging that a lifestyle of “living easy” and “living free” will land you in a really hot place with some red guy who’ll poke you in the butt with a big fork every now and then.
- “Run For Your Life,” by the Beatles. Lyrics underscore the importance of marital fidelity.
- “The Jack,” by AC/DC. Reminds young people of one of the risks of casual sex.
- “Why Don’t We Do it in the Road?” by the Beatles. Promotes modesty by leaving it to the listener’s imagination what “it” is, and by only encouraging her to do “it” after determining that “no one will be watching us.”
- “Shout at the Devil,” by Mötley Crüe. Encourages kids to resist the forces of evil.
- “Give Peace a Chance,” by John Lennon. Jonah Goldberg nailed this one. Ostensibly an anti-war song, it actually undermines the moonbat cause by reminding the world that “give peace a chance” really is all they are saying.
- “Get Up, Stand Up,” by Bob Marley. Encourages Republicans to stand up for their rights.
- “Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo (Heartbreaker),” by the Rolling Stones. Takes a strong anti-drug stand by suggesting that 10-year old girls would do well to avoid heroin.
- “Speak English or Die,” by Stormtroopers of Death (a.k.a. S.O.D.). Well, at least one conservative will like it.
- “American Woman,” by the Guess Who. Implicitly rejects the phony Hollywood lifestyle, noting that “coloured lights can hypnotize.”
- “La Villa Strangiato,” by Rush. Lyrics are brief and to the point. No conservatives worth his salt will disagree with a single line from this song.
*Upon information and belief, they don’t actually say “all y’all” in this here commonwealth.
June 10th, 2006 at 12:39 am
of course not. It’s all o’ y’all. Pronounced allah-yawl.
June 10th, 2006 at 12:53 am
Bruce Springsteen’s “Thunder Road”.
“Roy Orbison ’s singing for the lonely,
Hey, that’s me and I want you only.”
What could be more conservative than monogamy?
June 10th, 2006 at 1:27 am
U2’s “One Love, One Life”.
“Did you come here for forgiveness,
Did you come to raise the dead?
Did you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in you head?”
Monogamy and Christianity. It could be right out of a revival meeting.
June 10th, 2006 at 1:59 am
Warren Zevon’s “Lawyers, Guns and Money”.
The antithesis to “Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll”.
The baby had insomnia and now that she has gone to sleep, I have insomnia. So I’m taking this post seriously. As seriously, that is, as anything can be taken seriously at 1:00 a.m..
June 10th, 2006 at 2:14 am
The Eagles’ “Hotel California”. A conservative cautionary tale if there ever was one.
June 10th, 2006 at 8:59 am
Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” has to lead the list. It could have been the conservatives’ battle hymn during the Miers nomination and now on the illegal immigration debate. Also, Johnny Cash covered it in his last album. It bridges cultures as well as generations. It should have been my first pick.
Stevie Ray Vaughn’s “Wilie the Wimp” mocks a subculture many conservatives would like to see eliminated but which many rap artists glorify. It can be, at least, a second stringer.
June 11th, 2006 at 12:23 am
Bob Dylan, “Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door”: a paean to a fatally wounded law enforcement officer and a suggestion that he will be granted eternal rewards for his heroism.
Sheena Easton, “For Your Eyes Only”: an affirmation of monogomy and a criticism of overly-revealing clothing.
Nine-inch Nails, “I Want to f**k You Like an Animal”: a tender expression of a young man who wants to show his appreciation to his girlfriend for showing him how morally flawed he is and getting him to go to church.
June 11th, 2006 at 1:49 am
How about Dokken’s “Stick to Your Guns”?
First of all, it’s a metaphoric anthem of 2nd Amendment rights. :-)
The song champions self-sufficiency, a do-it-yourself attitude as opposed to relying on the Nanny State:
“I’m not the kind of person who quits
Even when the chips are down
You gotta fight for what you want
Don’t give up
Stick to your guns
You gotta fight for what you want
Gotta believe in what you do
You gotta fight for what you want
Don’t give up
Stick to your guns”
“A hard time you’ve been having
Don’t feel bad if you’re on your own
If you fight for what you want
Things ain’t gonna turn out so bad”
And there’s a message for entitlement liberal whiners:
“Well I’ve been trying this for so very long
To make you understand
If you’ll fight for what you need
Don’t come crawling over to me”
June 11th, 2006 at 8:57 am
By title alone: “Jesus is just alright.”–Doobie Brothers.
June 12th, 2006 at 12:50 am
Any chance of taking some time out from discussing the indisputably natural blonde to finish this list?
I recommend Chuck Berry’s “Johnny B. Good”. The title says it all.
The Mormons have been advertising on Rush on the importance of couples exhibiting affection to each other as well as setting aside “quality time” so I throw the Eurythmics’ “Here Comes The Rain Again” into the mix too:
“So baby, talk to me like lovers do, Walk with me like lovers do …”
How many do we have so far?
June 18th, 2006 at 3:03 pm
Oh, I get it. Irony.
June 18th, 2006 at 4:43 pm
Hope it didn’t take you too long to figure that out, Sherlock.
June 25th, 2006 at 11:52 am
How about the Grateful Dead’s U.S. Blues:
I’ll drink your health
Share your wealth
Run your life
Steal your wife.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:05 pm
Sesame Street’s “No, no, no, no and the word is no”. Conservatives forbid, liberals allow, right? Inspired by http://xrlq.com/2006/07/01/no-no-no-no-no-no-no/.
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:26 pm
Just you don’t think I made it up. If I have to finish this list by myself, I will also include “I Can’t Get No Cooperation” by the Cobble Stones in the same album. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/6302276365/qid=1151896797/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/104-9111346-9975927?v=glance&s=video
July 2nd, 2006 at 11:31 pm
PS: Do I need a so in there, somewhere?
August 11th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
I moved into a suburb (my first one) five years ago and after a while my neighbors invited me to an “Adult Progressive Party”. My first reaction was “I don’t go for that kinky suburban Peyton Place stuff”. However, it turned out that we just go from house to house to eat and drink and leave the kids with a baby sitter. (Bummer?)
Anyway, to make a short story long, we also have party games (totally G-rated, bummer) such as quizzes. This year, I’m going to present conservative rock songs as my contribution, stealing liberally (totally) from here. I might post the final version.
What do you think of Queen’s “Fat-bottomed Girls”? Is eschewing the Hollywood ideal of female beauty a conservative value?