Midlife Crisis Update
Haven’t gotten my birthdaymobile yet, but will do soon since all the specials expire one day before Bubba Xrlq’s birthday. Here are the vehicles I’ve been considering so far:
- Toyota Camry. Uncly-Wuncly thinks Toyota is anti-gun. While I always respect him and usually agree with him, on this occasion I think he’s wetter than anything within 20 miles of the James River. So Toyota hired one lame PR person who picked the wrong high school student to highlight. No big whoop. What is a big whoop is that the Camry is like the hot chick every other guy wants - and she knows it. Ask Ms. Camry for a date on her terms, and she might say yes, if she happens to be in the mood. Ask her for 5 years’ free financing, dealer incentives, etc., and she’ll throw a drink in your face and say “what kind of girl do you think I am?” Three more drinks will follow if you’re dumb enough to point out the obvious fact that we’ve already established what kind of girl she is, and now we’re just haggling over the price. So one side of me says “Kos her, let someone else put up with that attitudinal be-yatch.” But the other side keeps responding “Attitude, schmattitude, that chick is hot!”
- Honda Accord. Everything I said about the Camry. Can’t figure out who is hotter, or more arrogant. One’s a blonde, the other a brunette, but I’m not even sure which is which.
- Nissan Altima. This chick ain’t half bad, either. In fact, she looks a lot like Ms. Camry and Ms. Accord, only without the attitude. She knows what kind of girl she is, and she’s willing to deal. But she keeps acting all needy, asking me “I’m just as good as Camry, right? What does that Altima bitch have that I don’t?” I don’t know if I can deal with that twice a day, every day for the next 10 years or so. Plus, I can’t shake the sense that even if Ms. Altima gets over her complex, sooner or later I’ll end up calling out the name “Camry” or “Accord” during … um … driving. Where did you think I was going with this?
- Chevrolet Impala. This car has a normal outward appearance, an annoyingly retro looking dashboard, and is otherwise a no-nonsense alternative to those three geishas that keep chasing me. It has all the functionality of all three, a slightly lower price, and space rivaling their grossly overpriced big sisters. But however infatuated I may be with my four-wheeled friend, believe it or not there’s actually another woman in my life, Mrs. X. She’s assured me that if I buy an Impala, we (or worse, I) will be officially shunned as white trash. So this one’s a nonstarter.
- Chevy Silverado or GMC Sierra. Forget the chicks; they’re too complicated. Why not go gay on a real man of a vehicle instead? Normally, these things cost an arm and a leg more than a sedan, but after the massive discounts currently being offered by GM, which Nissan makes a half-hearted attempt to match and Toyota and Honda won’t dignify with a comment, they’re really not that much more expensive after all. And besides, it would really cool to have a pickup, in case I ever needed to … do whatever the hell you’re supposed to do with a pickup.
- Ford F-150. Don’t know much about this model, but he sure looks cool.
- Ford Five Hundred. OK, maybe I should get a sedan after all. This one was recommended by a co-worker who swears by Volvos, and says this one is essentially a Volvo in disguise. And as Dudley Moore’s character nicely put it in Crazy People, Volvos are boxy, but they’re good. Be safe, not sexy, yadda yadda yadda.
What say you?
And to my fellow Virginians - WTF is up with all these dealerships that are closed on Sunday? Is there a friggin’ blue law prohibiting anyone from buying a car on Sunday? Seriously. And if there is such a law, what about North Carolina? Driving down there tomorrow would be a pain in the [insert symbol for Democratic Party here], but taking time off from work is worse.
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:32 am
I’ve only owned Hondas (though some of them say Acura on the front), and from my POV, Honda just keeps on making one good car after another. They are relatively pricy for the features though, but when I squint at the alternatives, I keep on thinking: “Can I trust that car to keep running trouble-free?”
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:10 am
Honda all the way. The Accord’s the brunette and she’s worth it. The Camry is a bottle-job blonde who will be in for almost as long as the Accord but will degrade considerably faster.
Glad Mrs. X has her head on straight about the Impala, too.
Like Sam I am a Honda bigot; I love my Civic and my family has driven Hondas for a long time. Fiance has an Acura TSX, and it’s hot out of the box, but you can probably get an Accord that makes the same moves, engine-wise, for less money. Also the Accord will be bigger inside, although I’m sure the Acura TL is correspondingly bigger.
If you have to be safe rather than sexy, for God’s sake don’t do it with a Ford. No particular resaon except that I’ve never found them very drivable. Weird features and some engineers who overthink.
July 2nd, 2006 at 1:12 am
P.S. I would have commented on the question on the earlier thread, but my family’s been driving Hondas for so long that I actually forgot they qualify as the “mid-sized to large sedans” nowadays. They used to be the compacts, in comparison with things like Oldsmobiles and Buicks. So go go Honda Accord! They work great with carseats.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:03 am
I’d go with the truck (just too handy not to have). Friend has the sierra and loves it. not sure what an f-100 is but thought you meant f-150. [Yes, of course. Braino duly fixed. -X] They’re nice trucks but a bit big and not gas friendly. that’s why I opted for the explorer sport trac.
July 2nd, 2006 at 7:54 am
If you’re serious about the truck, then take a look at the mid-size SUVs like the Trailblazer. My love of the Altima nowithstanding, we still have my wife’s Pathfinder. My brother has a Blazer and he bought a Trailblazer for his wife (Blazer is no longer in production). You can furnish a room with the cargo each can carry. Any SUV or truck, be sure to get it in 4×4. They’re too light in the rear for snow or mud in rear-wheel drive only.
July 2nd, 2006 at 12:51 pm
There is no mid-life crisis that a Japanese car can cure. You live in Virginia. Get a G-d Dang ‘Murican car, pick-up is preferable and buy it on Saturday or after work. As I recall you have some ungodly number of dogs, put em in the back of the pick-up, snap on a gun rack, and ride around town complaining about all the Yankees moving in.
July 2nd, 2006 at 5:25 pm
Wife and I own both (”mine” is the Altima and “hers” is the Accord) and we love ‘em both. I prefer the Altima ’cause it’s indeed sportier.
July 2nd, 2006 at 6:56 pm
dealerships are open in nova. and I’m not sure I’d worry about the ’specials’ expiring. if they’re willing to sell you a car for X today, they’d probably be willing to sell it to you for the same (or lower) price the next day… they’re paying money every day that car is on the lot, so the sooner it’s off the lot, the better.
July 3rd, 2006 at 1:28 am
We have a 2005 Altima. We have a 2005 Altima because my wife’s 2000 Altima was totalled in a head-on collision with a ‘94 Volvo. And she walked away from it. Sore, but no major injuries.
The 2005 is a VAST improvement over the 2000. I’m a big guy - 6′ & 275lbs. I fit in the driver’s seat. I didn’t fit in the old one. We got the 2.5S model. It’s got a 4-banger that’s convinced it’s a V6. We put a nice set of alloy wheels on it, and it (for a 4-door) looks far more “sportscar” than it has any right to. I’ve got to admit, it’s a blast to drive.
All of your selections are good ones, but the Altima ain’t no third-rate Camry.
July 3rd, 2006 at 8:55 am
I bought a Triumph instead. Now that’s a cure.
July 3rd, 2006 at 2:56 pm
NK, it’s too bad they don’t make Blazers anymore. I love my Tahoe, and am tickled pink by the thought of driving a miniature one to work every day. This one isn’t new, but may be close enough for me.
JJV: point taken. I thought about an imported pickup or SUV, but what’s the point?
Hube, Kevin: as you can see I’ve shifted away from the idea of getting either an import or a sedan. That said, if I did get one it probably would have been an Altima.
July 6th, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Those aren’t mid-life crisis cars…
A ‘vette is a mid-life crisis car.
That said, buy a pair of Hondas: an Element for practicality and a VFR for fun.
August 18th, 2006 at 5:00 am
I Agree that a ‘vette is a sweet car to have when you’re experiencing mid’life crisis. I’m doing research right now on a situation where I’m in Florida, 50 yrs. old and thinking about what car to get. Paper is due on monday, hope you can shed some light. (I’m particularly considering a 1969 vette or the Z06 as my main premise)Thanks!