The weekend is technically over but my conference has just begun. After three margaritas, two gins and tonics, one glass of wine and on my first beer, I’m in as good a position as ever to test that in vino veritas shibboleth, so here goes.

Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world, or at least, all wars except the ones they’re not responsible for. To suggest otherwise is in no way anti-Semitic, unless it is, so take that, Sugartits. Unless, of course, you either don’t have tits, or they’re not covered with sugar; in either case that offensive statement does not apply to you.

Basketball is a really exciting sport to watch. As for baseball, I used to be an Angels fan but now I feel it in my bones that next year is going to be the year in which the Richmond Braves do so well they become a major league team in their own right, and maybe even send their Atlanta sisters to the farm leagues in their place. The year after that, they’ll go all the way and take the World Series in four, or five at the most if some idiot ump makes too many bad calls. Either way, they’re totally winning this one.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is telling the truth when he says Iran only wants to build peaceful nuclear reactors, not nuclear weapons. Islam is a religion of peace, not of nuclear holocausts (as if those things ever really happened anyway). Besides, Allah wouldn’t let him lie, so I take him at his word when he says Iran needs nuclear energy ‘cuz gasoline is so scarce in that country, and besides, why pollute the environment with more hydrocarbons, chlorofluorocarbons, tacos al carbón, or anything else involving carbon than you have to? He’s just doing his part to be more carbon-neutral and help stem global warming, you environmentally insensitive creep. Trying to keep the peace in neighboring Iraq rather than allowing the state to go to pot and become a terrorist haven has nothing to do with the war on terrorism. It’s time to stop worrying about what happens in Iraq and focus entirely on Iran. That q vs. n thing is bigger than you think: it means they’re separate countries! Besides, the war on terror doesn’t really have anything to do with Iran, either; it’s all about invading Pakistan to catch Osama bin Laden.

Secondhand smoke can kill you but firsthand smoke is no big deal. So if you’re ever in a group where other people are smoking, be sure to mooch a cigarette or two yourself as a defensive measure. For more information on the dangers of smoking see everyone’s favorite anti-smoking web site, Phillip Morris USA. LSD is good for you, too, but be sure to lay off the coffee. That stuff can kill you, at least if you spill large quantities of it on yourself while it’s scalding hot.

Ned Lamont will make a fine Senator. Allowing Democrats to control at least one house of Congress, preferably two, will result in smaller government, lower taxes, and all that other good stuff the Republicans say they support and the Democrats say they oppose. Among blogs, the truth is at firedoglake, with heavy doses to be found at truthout, Atrios and TPM. Glenn Greenwald is civil. My taxes are too low. Radley Balko is a genius.