Morons appear to be in season right now. While a plurality of the morons I’ve recently encountered work for Bank of America, not all do. Also warranting dishonorable mention:

• Last Friday, Gibson W. Lee, an idiot judge in Long Beach, sentenced four vicious monsters who beat three innocent women without provocation, two within inches of their lives, on Halloween. All four were convicted of a hate crime, an alleged sentence enhancement, but the idiot judge sentenced all of them, even the most violent ringleader, who also took the stand and perjured himself beyond recognition, to probation. Yes, you heard right: probation, the most lenient sentence he could have given them without the alleged sentence enhancement. [They also got a bogus 60 day "house arrest," which according to one of the victims' families consists of an order not to leave home without mommy and daddy's permission.] One of the victims understandably cried at the verdict. Another could not, as a result of massive reconstructive surgery necessitated by the crime in question. The idiot judge obviously didn’t learn anything from the incident, however, as he proceeded to sentence the rest to the same non-punishment [sans phony house arrest, in one case] just the other day.
• Also in California, some idiot legislator wants to ban spanking. You probably knew that already, as it has gotten the national ridicule it deserves.
• Also in California, another idiot legislator wants to ban incandescent bulbs so we can all look equally ugly. You may not have known about that, as it has gotten much less national coverage.
• Last Saturday, some idiot on I-110 drove a service truck with an unsecured ladder on the back, which predictably fell out and bounced across the freeway. Don’t know if it caused an accident or not, but easily could have.
• This past Monday, some other idiot on I-210 drove a semi with an unsecured … um … who the hell knows what it was? All I know is that whatever it was, it was a large metal object that emitted enough sparks to make it look like a flare, while it banged its way across the lanes at night.
• This past Sunday, I saw more retarded commercials than I had previously recalled seeing in my entire life. In particular, Garmin ran a Superbowl ad so bad it managed to make a brilliant product look retarded.
• Fortunately for Garmin, I ordered their brilliant product for Sr. Xrlq (no, he can’t drive, but others visiting from out of town can) on Thursday night, two and half days before I could be dissuaded by that retarded commercial. I searched the best price on PriceGrabber, and was directed to a business called Future Power PC. I placed the order, listing myself as the name for the profile, and Sr. Xrlq as both the billing contact and the shipping address. I also included my own cell phone, with a number based in Richmond, VA, as a contact. On Friday, at around 2:15 p.m. PST, I received an email from Future Power PC asking me to call their non-800 number between 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. weekdays – i.e., within 45 minutes. I called the number immediately and got no answer. I later learned he’d left a message with Mrs. X in Virginia, and with Sr. X’s home phone in L.A., which I would not hear until long after 3:00 p.m. due to my unusual condition of having a … like … job. I finally got a hold of the nutjob on Monday, who started demanding I reiterate everything over the phone that I had previously supplied online, telling me that the transaction had been flagged for suspicion of fraud. I asked on what basis he suspected fraud, and he told me it was because Sr. X’s house and phone number are in one state, and my house and phone are in another. According to this genius, if you and your father live in two separate states, you are a fraud ring. Betcha didn’t know that.
• Methodist Hospital, the second of four hospitals Sr. Xrlq has graced with his presence since the accident that made him a temporary quadriplegic, repeatedly did not check on him throughout the night because … hello … he didn’t ring the nurse’s bell. They also didn’t monitor his lungs, despite knowing of his difficulties breathing and coughing, for pneumonia. Instead, after only two days they rushed him off to a rehab hospital in Pomona, where he lasted one night before being rushed to a nearby ER when he could barely breathe.
• The hospital with the ER, Pomona Valley Hospital, kept Sr. X in the ER for a few hours, and then the ICU for about a week. For the first couple of days in ICU, the nurse repeatedly contacted my 17-year old sister with all updates instead of contacting me. On third day I spoke to the nurse directly and reminded her that I was listed as the primary contact. She said she knew that, but called my sister instead because none of my numbers worked. I double-checked them all, and yup, they did work – but only if you dial 1 before an area code. Imagine that.
• Just yesterday, we learned that Lite-Brite terrorists Peter Berdovsky and filmed the cops handling the non-bomb but did nothing to alert them to the fact that it was just a harmless Lite-Brite. Allah, unsurprisingly, believes this is a reason to throw the book at both Berdovsky and his partner in non-crime, Sean Stevens. It’s certainly a reason to throw the book at somebody, the question is who. Berdovsky’s attorney says that upon learning that the police were investigating his handiwork rather than a real bomb, he contacted his employer and was assured his employer would handle the matter. If he’s lying, throw the book at him. But if he’s telling the truth, and he really did alert his employer and receive an assurance they would do the right thing, the question is whether they did that or not. If they didn’t, throw the book at them. But if they did, and the Boston P.D. simply ignored their information because they were already operating in full-blown idiot mode, then the blame rightly lies with them. There’s definitely an idiot in there somewhere, I’m just not sure we know who.