Ad-Free Ads
Last year I bitched about the quality of ads you hear on XM Radio, which you probably bought with the expectation you wouldn’t hear commercials there at all. I’m happy to say that the quality of these ads has improved drastically … not. Here are a few samples:
- Have you recently checked out that annoying station you’re not listening to right now for a reason? “OMG, it so, like, sucks to have your pantyhose run. I’m, like, totally convinced, and stuff, that if anyone invents panties that don’t run, that will totally rule.”
- “CrapRiver, apply directly to your tired metaphors. CrapRiver, apply directly to your tired metaphors. CrapRiver, apply directly to your tired metaphors. How was that?” “The most retarded ad I’ve heard to date. The only question now is whether we can keep up this level of badness for 20 more seconds. You up to it?” “Hell, yeah, just give me an aspirin ya whiny nerd. CrapRiver. Retarded ads, who the hell knows what the product is?”
- “Hey Mike, you’re a guy like me, and everyone knows just love to tell each other and millions of their closest friends about their masculine shortcomings. What was the number for your favorite boner pill company once again? Oh yeah, 1-800-HARD-OFF, of course. How could I possibly have forgotten that? Thanks, Mike.”
- “Gentlemen! You’ve got meds for when your head hurts. You’ve got meds for when all those unmentionables hurt. You’ve got meds to take to stop you from puking. Any way you can get sick, you’ve got meds for it. But what would you do if the meds themselves got sick? Didn’t think about that one, did you? That’s why you need Meta-Meds, the drugs that keep your drugs healthy so they can do the same for you. Psych! We don’t really sell Meta-meds, that’s just an inane trademark. All we really sell is boner pills. Had you going there, didn’t we?”
