Now that I’m only blogging once a month whether I need to or not, it should come as little surprise to my remaining readers (yes, I mean both of you) that I didn’t get around to blogging about my recent trip to Maui until after the fact. Here’s a brief summary:

• Think it’s a pain in the butt flying from CA to HI? Try flying from the East Coast, with 1 and and 3 year old in tow.
• You know something’s up when you get called a Haole on the mainland.
• Try harder, Avis. If I’m second in line in the middle of the day, I shouldn’t have a 15 minute wait. You’re renting cars to tourists, not rockets to scientists.
• Forget the Alamo. You bozos in LA managed to bugger things up even worse than your brethren at Avis. It’s moderately neato that you are open 24-7, but if there are 10 people in line at any hour, you’re understaffed. And if you too manage to make me wait 10-15 minutes after becoming the next in line, even the staff you haven’t aren’t doing their job - even if they are giving their competition a run for their funny-money.
• Don’t Buy American. If their smarmy lobbying weren’t bad enough, they seem to be a bit unclear on the concept of having a “big Johnson.” American Airhint: it’s a none-too-subtle reference to male anatomy, not a suggestion that you go out and hire some large, obnoxious twit whose last name happens to be “Johnson.” And if you are going to hire someone like that, don’t hire her as a bag lady. It’s bad enough having you bozos lose my luggage. The last thing I need is for you to top it off with an idiot who (1) can’t jot down a phone number, a ZIP code or a flight number correctly, (2) thinks Maui is a foreign country and (3) makes up in attitude what she lacks in basic intelligence.
• According to a docent we met at the aquarium, it’s no longer politically correct to call starfish “starfish” since technically speaking, they aren’t really fish. She said the preferred term is “sea stars,” instead. I didn’t have the heart to inform her that they aren’t really stars, either.
• If you don’t buy a timeshare, you don’t really love your children.
• Getting to Maui is a bitch and a half. Being there for a week kicks ass.