Literally.

Talking about Obama’s connections with a black racist preacher is racist. Talking about Obama’s chummy relationship with a white terrorist is racist. Depicting him in an ad that likens him to white women is racist. And now, comparing his openly redistributionist policies to socialism is racist.

I’m tempted to criticize Obama’s views on gun control and the Supreme Court, but I’m sure “gun-grabber” and “judicial hack” are races, too. So rather than risk being called a racist myself, I’ll just say that Barack H. Obama is a right on all the issues, well connected with wonderful people, and doggone it, he’s perfect in every way. But vote for John McCain instead. I’m still allowed to say that, right?

In a piece about the interplay between the election and the World Series, the Ass. Press helpfully “fact” checks Senator McCain in a manner that would make Annenberg Political proud:

McCain told several hundred people standing in a cavernous warehouse: “Now, I’m not dumb enough to get mixed up in a World Series between swing states. But I think I may have detected a little pattern with Sen. Obama. It’s pretty simple really. When he’s campaigning in Philadelphia, he roots for the Phillies, and when he’s campaigning in Tampa Bay, he ‘shows love’ to the Rays.”

As a chorus of boos built, he added:”It’s kind of like the way he campaigns on tax cuts, but then votes for tax increases after he’s elected. Or the way he says he backs the middle class and then goes and attacks Joe the Plumber after Sen. Obama’s asked a tough question. What’s that all about?”

In fact, Obama did not attack Joe the Plumber; rather he criticized McCain for suggesting that the Ohio plumber who wants to purchase the plumbing business where he works is in the same economic shape as most working class voters.

It sure is comforting to know that “in fact” Obama and his followers never attacked Joe the Plumber. The Ass. Press said so, and even dropped in an f-bomb on top of it, so who am I to question?

On the off-chance that the right has its own Alec Baldwin equivalents who plan to leave the country if when the wrong guy wins the Presidency, they might want to take this handy quiz to see if they’re smart enough to emigrate to Germany. Then again, there’s always Canada. I can’t find their quiz but I’m pretty sure you can get every question right on their citizenship test by asking yourself “What would an American say?” and selecting the opposite.