Airing of Grievances: War on Festivus
Today I went to Costco and bought some coffee, and the politically correct [insert name for employee whose job it is to pat you down, read your receipt four times and pat you down once more just to make sure you haven't stolen anything here] wished me a “Merry Christmas” on the way out. Can you believe that? “Merry Christmas,” on Festivus? What’s up with that? At least the usual wimp-out, “Happy Holidays,” would have given her plausible deniability, or plausible affirmability, or whatever it’s called in this context. Even in the Blogosphere, only a few brave souls still dare to say the word “Festivus” out loud.
Oh well, that’s my last grievance for the year, I think. Feel free to post yours in the comments.
December 24th, 2008 at 12:16 am
My grievance? Non-functional pay-at-the-pump stations, or pay-at-the-pump stations that ask if you want a receipt only to tell you they’re out of paper when you say “yes.”
Today I actually drove to a different gas station rather than actually go inside to pay…
tgirsch´s last blog post..Christmas Song of the Day, Rising from the Ashes
December 24th, 2008 at 1:39 am
[...] SORRY, FORGET THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS. Now I’m worried about the War On Festivus. [...]
December 24th, 2008 at 2:14 am
The next thing you know, they’ll be declaring the Feats of Strength as racist.
December 24th, 2008 at 3:03 am
Bastards.
Serenity now!!
December 24th, 2008 at 3:19 am
Interesting; my grievance is a composite of yours and tgirsh’s: the glacially sloooooow speed of Costco’s gas pumps. I didn’t know you could move gasoline that slowly without it turning back into dinosaurs or something.
December 24th, 2008 at 5:50 am
MY Grievance is the conflation of the festivus pole with a pagen ritual called maypole dancing. I’m out at the video store and happen to mention that we have a festivus pole set up in the front yard. The video girl ask me “what is festivus?”
As I am explaining the video guy [hensforth to be refered to as Mr buttinski] interupts by saying “It’s a pagen ritual”.
When I hear “pagen ritual” I think of scale covered demons with biforcated tails dancing lustily around naked female hostages, and while all of that might be fun for a while it is not in keeping with the spirit of festivus.
I was quite taken back by Mr buttinski’s characterization of my holiday of choice.
Where does he get off? Christmas trees are a vestige of a Pagen ritual. The Festivus pole is if anything (and we strive to keep it as meaningless as humanly possible) the polar opposite of the Christmas tree, and therefore a refutation of all things pagen.
I’m of the mind to introduce Mr buttinski to the contest of strength.
December 24th, 2008 at 8:02 am
Here’s where I got my Festivus Pole:
<a href="http://www.atom.com/funny_videos/strippers_pole/" rel="nofollow">www.atom.com/funny_videos/strippers_pole/</a>
No distracting tinsel,and a high strength-to-weight ratio.
December 24th, 2008 at 8:29 am
May the Force be with you, always.
December 24th, 2008 at 9:10 am
You think that’s bad, well, this will really get on your nerves. I’m online during Festivus looking for the traditional Festivus Grievances that one would expect on Festivus. Naturally I go to http://www.festivus.com but what do I see there, Christmas stuff, FESTIVUS no less.
WHAT ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING! HOW CAN A PERSON ENJOY FESTIVUS WITH ALL THIS HOLIDAY CHEER STUFF! YES I’M AGAINST THAT ALSO. FESTIVUS DAY IS SUPPOSE TO BE A DAY WERE WE CAN AIR OUR GREVANCES AND INSTEAD WE GET “HO, HO, HO”, “HAPPY HOLIDAYS”, “HAPPY HANAKKAH”, and “MERRY CHRISTMAS”. YOU’D THINK WITH THE WAY THE REPUBLICANS AND ESPECIALLY THE DEMOCRATS HAVE SCREWED UP AND ARE CONTINUING TO SCREW UP THE ECONOMY WITH THEIR INTERVENTIONISM THAT WE’D HAVE PLENTY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ON FESTIVUS.
December 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am
That was “… but what do I see there, Christmas stuff, ON FESTIVUS no less.” Sorry about that, it’s just that I’m so angry.
December 24th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
You are perfectly right to be angry, Brian.
It’s a righteous fury.
and may it always be said of you, that Brian knew how to keep Festivus well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge.
December 24th, 2008 at 4:59 pm
I wanted to air my grievances on Festivus, but the wife got all pissed off and said that I wasn’t allowed to. Damn that, I’m gonna divorced her.
December 24th, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Airing of Grievances? I don’t think there’s enough time left in Festivus for me to air my grievances.
1) The presidential election of the "unknown" Barack Obama by a coalition of the most poorly educated and the educated who were, willing to suspend disbelief".
2) The Republicans nominee McCain "the lame".
3) Media treatment of Sarah Palin and Joe the Plumber. Our major news outlets never investigated Obama and his "Chicago Politics" associates, but they turned Wasilla, AK upside down looking for dirt on Palin, and corrupted public officials to destroy JTP.
4) The inability of Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, Maxine Waters, etc, etc, etc to accept any blame in the sub-prime mortgage meltdown. I’m not they are solely responsible, but surely they own a portion of the blame.
5) I have to leave for Christmas Eve Dinner at my mother-in-law’s. What could be more grievous than that on Festivus?
Merry Christmas, or Happy Whatever Alternative Holiday You Wish to Celebrate (including none),
Warm regards,
An Average American
P.S. And a Happy New Year (including to those of you whose year doesn’t coincide with that of us Zionist, Western, oppressors) … (Heh, including you Zionists 8^)