damnum absque injuria

April 28, 2011

Oh, That Birth Certificate

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 1:34 pm

For the past 2 1/2 years, birthers have screeched “Where’s the birth certificate?” despite having been provided with one a long time ago. Now that the long-form certificate (or, in Birther-ese, the “birth certificate”) has also been released, I’m frankly at a loss as to what the Birthers thought Birth Certificate #2 was supposed to accomplish that Birth Certificate #1 didn’t. Below is a table of the information provided by each:

Information Long Form Short Form
Issuing Entity: State of Hawaii Department of Health State of Hawaii Department of Health, Honolulu, Hawaii U.S.A.
Certificate Number: 151 61 10641 151 1961 010-641
Child’s Name: Barack Hussein Obama, II Barack Hussein Obama II
Sex: Male Male
Single/twin/triplet: Single [Silent]
Date of Birth: August 4, 1961 August 4, 1961
Hour: 7:24 P.m. 7:24 PM
City, Town or Rural Location: Honolulu Honolulu
Island: Oahu Maui [JK, Oahu]
County and State and/or Foreign Country: Honolulu, Hawaii Honolulu (county only)
Name of Hospital or Institution: Kapiolani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital [Silent]
Is place of birth inside city or town limits? Yes [Silent]
Usual residence of mother: 6085 Kalanianaole Highway, Honolulu, Hawaii, Island of Oahu [Silent]
Is residence in city or town limits? Yes [Silent]
Is residence on a farm or plantation? No [Silent]
Father’s full name: Barack Hussein Obama Barack Hussein Obama
Father’s race: African African
Father’s age: 25 [Silent]
Father’s birthplace: Kenya, East Africa [Silent]
Father’s usual occupation: Student [Silent]
Father’s kind of business or industry: University [Silent]
Mother’s maiden name: Stanley Ann Dunham Stanley Ann Dunham
Mother’s race: Caucasian Caucasian
Mother’s age: 18 [Silent]
Mother’s birthplace: Wichita, Kansas [Silent]
Mother’s occupation during pregnancy: None [Silent]
Date filed/accepted by registrar: August 8, 1961 August 8, 1961
Is this document prima facie evidence of the fact of birth? [Silent] Yes

So Birthers and former Birthers (and to the latter group, welcome back to earth, it’s good to have you back), please do tell us. Did that narrowly averted constitutional crisis turn on…

  • …whether the Hawaii Department of Health was or was not located in Honolulu, Hawaii U.S.A. from August 1 through August 8, 1961?
  • …the precise location in the City and County of Honolulu, on the Island of Oahu, at which he was born?
  • …whether he was born at 7:24 P.m. or PM?
  • …whether his does or does not include a comma?
  • …whether Stanley Ann Dunham’s residence at 6085 Kalanianaole Highway fell inside or outside the city limits of Honolulu?
  • …whether Stanley Ann Dunham’s residence at 6085 Kalanianaole Highway was or was not on a farm or plantation?
  • …whether the County of Honolulu, on the Island of Oahu, really was part of the State of Hawaii, U.S.A.?
  • All of Honolulu, that is, not just the Kapiolani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital?
  • Something more hair-splitting and technical still, cite>e.g., whether “Stanley Ann Dunham” was his mother’s full maiden name (as only the long-form certificate includes the word “full”)?
  • None of the above, of course we were going to write off the second birth certificate just like the first. Check out this nifty site, which contains smoking-gun proof that a file called “birth-certificate-long-form.pdf” is actually a PDF! What more proof do you need, you silly Obama fanboy, you?
  • None of the above, but we birthers were just dying to finally get something in writing from Hawaii to prove that someone named Barack Hussein Obama was born in Kenya.
  • None of the above, but I think Donald Trump is cool.
  • Other (specify).

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