damnum absque injuria

December 24, 2008

Airing of Grievances: North Carolinians

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 5:10 pm

I haven’t been pinned yet so here’s one last grievance for the year. What’s up with the new “North Carolina Education Lottery,” which is all going to help our schools, with no offset against the general fund to help less popular expenditures? Every other state in the union learned the lesson the hard way, decades ago. So why aren’t y’all wise to this one now? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool 49 other people once, and still manage to fool me once, megashame on me.

I don’t blame the state for offering up the scam. They did it because they can, and besides, every tax on stupid people is one less tax I have to pay. But did you really have to pick a Pee Wee Herman look-alike as a spokesman?

December 23, 2008

Airing of Grievances: War on Festivus

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 7:07 pm

Today I went to Costco and bought some coffee, and the politically correct [insert name for employee whose job it is to pat you down, read your receipt four times and pat you down once more just to make sure you haven't stolen anything here] wished me a “Merry Christmas” on the way out. Can you believe that? “Merry Christmas,” on Festivus? What’s up with that? At least the usual wimp-out, “Happy Holidays,” would have given her plausible deniability, or plausible affirmability, or whatever it’s called in this context. Even in the Blogosphere, only a few brave souls still dare to say the word “Festivus” out loud.

Oh well, that’s my last grievance for the year, I think. Feel free to post yours in the comments.

December 22, 2008

Airing of Grievances: Ariel Gates

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 8:02 pm

You think you got away with it, Ariel, but I’m on to you. No, I don’t have any proof that your last name is really Gates. Maybe you’re on his mom’s side of the family, so your surname is something else.. Or maybe you’re not related to the Bill at all, but have pictures of him in a compromising position. That’s details. The big picture is that one way or another, you’ve managed to convince the most powerful man in the world who isn’t named after an Iraqi dictator to force a horribly lame and amazingly awful font down everybody’s throats. OK, maybe not everybody, but who are we kidding? OS/2 went the way of the dodo a long time ago, as did PC-DOS, DR-DOS, and every other credible (note to Mac users: I did say “credible”) alternative to Microsoft. Now I get friggin’ nightmares over that horrible font, and you expect us to believe you have nothing to do with it just because it’s spelled “Arial” rather than “Ariel?” Give me a break. I may be stupid, but I’m not that friggin’ stupid. I mean, seriously. Courier was lame but at least all the characters lined up in nice arrays. Times New Roman looks much better, which is probably why just about every newspaper with the name “times” in it uses some variation of the same. But Arial? That font is just awful. Yes, I know it’s flattering to see your name on a consumer product, no matter how asstastically bad that product may be. I’m sure Edsel Ford felt the same way, but they didn’t go on cranking out those crapmobiles for all eternity, did they?

Ariel … um, I mean, Arial … whatever scores you have to settle with Bill are between you and Bill. Take it outside, and leave the rest of us alone! Plea-ease! Leave us alone right now! I mean it!

December 21, 2008

Airing of Grievances: Ad Council

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 7:14 pm

God, you people are annoying. It’s bad enough that you make your living twisting the truth and conning people into buying cheap crap they don’t need at exceedingly high prices. You could just leave it at that, take your paycheck and call it a day, but nooooooo, you hadda go out and make even more ads that are supposed to make the rest of us think you “care.”. Screw that. You’re ad men, so no one’s going to believe that stuff anyway. Either sell a few more ad-ads that at least pay the bills, or better yet, give us shorter commercial breaks. Dammit.

Airing of Grievances: Truthers

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 5:49 pm

Barack Hussein Obama is not my President. Barack Hussein Obama is not your President. He’s not anybody’s friggin’ President, yet. He will be, however, on January 20, and you’d best learn to deal with that. No, the courts aren’t going to invalidate his election because his middle name is Hussein. No, they’re not going to invalidate his election because he only blasted a short form birth certificate across the Internet rather than a copy of the original one. No, they’re not going to invalidate his election because he’s a secret Muslim. No, they’re not … well, just, no.

Most importantly, if President Obama ends up doing anything dreadful in office that would properly warrant impeachment (and no, I’m not predicting that he will), the answer is no, the American people won’t give a tinker’s damn about it. They’ll be so sick and tired of hearing you whine about phony, irrelevant stuff in the past that they’ll be all too eager to assume that whatever Republicans are legitimately talking about 2, 4 or 6 years down the road must be phony and irrelevant, as well, even if it’s not. So just shut up already. Let the left have their goofy conspiracy theories. There’s no need for us to compete with them on that front.

Airing of Grievances: Retarded Cyborgs

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 5:41 pm

Festivus is just around the corner but no one seems to care. Oh well. I skipped it last year, and may end up celebrating alone this year, but if I do, oh well.

This one is for all the programmers who replaced all those annoying “Press 1 for billing questions, press 2 if your panties are in a wad” voice menu systems with the even more annoying retarded cyborgs we have to deal with now. Call me old-school, but I have better things to do than to have some retarded cyborg try to strike up a conversation with me as though it were a person. Did you really think we wouldn’t know the difference? Or that maybe, just maybe, some of us would rather press keys to indicate our selection rather than rely on some computer to automatically subscribe us to the Fruit of the Month Club because our 3-year old made some random noise in the background?

Seriously, non-people. If the whole point of your retarded cyborgs was to get us all to love those old voice mail menu systems we used to hate, their mission has succeeded. Please “terminate” them post haste, and I promise not to start bitching about those old key-entry menus again. [ObDisclaimer: I never promised not to cheat, mind you, only not to complain.]

December 23, 2006

Airing of Grievances: Canada

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 9:53 am

Was Canada ever really necessary? I don’t mean the Frog part, of course they have to be in a country of their own, even if I’m not quite sure why that country has to be on this continent. No, I mean English Canada, a.k.a. Not-Quebec. It’s not as though Great Britain had some big plan to form two English speaking countries or anything. It was all supposed to be one great big British Empire, remember? The only reason we have two countries now is because when things with south, some colonists said “don’t tread on me” while others said “thank me harder.”

But enough on Canada, at least for the moment. Recently a piece by Paul Helmke, a former Hoosier, a former Republican, a former mayor and the current head of the U.S.’s main gun-control lobby, has been getting fawning reviews from self-styled moderates who are either ignorant, or willfully ignorant, of the not-so-moderate positions Helmke’s organization also supports. As I’ve noted in other fora, it is disingenuous to talk of how reasonable one particular article is while ignoring the fact that Helmke has not repudiated any of his organization’s other positions, and lame to effectively give him credit for doing so solely because he managed to write one whole article without bringing them up.

This piece is not about that, though. Even if Helmke’s article were viewed in a vacuum, and we were to pretend that the National Council to Control Handguns / Handgun Control, Inc. / Brady Center to Prevent Gun Ownership / Whatever The Hell They’re Calling Themselves This Week had abandoned its support of every gun law not mentioned in that article, some would argue that even those controls would not be reasonable, as they unnecessarily burden the right to bear arms. I don’t necessarily disagree with these criticisms, but I’m going to argue a different tack:

Paul Helmke should withdraw from politics and disband his organization immediately. His own support for firearm regulation, and that of his entire organization, is absurd. It’s completely contrary to American traditions. It has no basis in fact, and for someone who represents a major American association to be pushing this agenda is particularly alarming, especially a man.”

If you’re an American, male or female, pro-gun, anti-gun, moderate or indifferent, then chances are that you find that argument downright retarded. But if you’re Canadian,* I’m sure it makes perfect sense. ‘Hat tip: Eugene Volokh.

*I realize I’m painting with a broad brush here, so my apologies to Sharon Gregson, Mark Steyn, Wendy McElroy, Rachel Marsden, Terrence, Phillip, Ike, the entire membership of the National Firearms Association (yes, both of you), the ghost of Gordon Sinclair, Rush, Triumph, any Canucks who happen to be reading this blog, and countless others I didn’t even know were Canucks ‘cuz y’all didn’t run around making a big deal of the fact. As with us lawyers, it’s too bad that 99% of y’all give all y’all a bad name.

December 22, 2006

Airing of Grievances: I-95

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 9:51 pm

I know I said I was going to quit, but Festivus hasn’t arrived yet so I’m going to indulge myself once more. Whose brilliant idea was it to build one Interstate from Miami to Philadelphia, and another from some nowhere town 45 miles northeast of there to Maine, and assign the same highway number to both? Whoever did that is Sofa King. We Todd did.

Airing of Grievances: Idiots Who Build Two Parking Lots Next To Each Other, Complete With A Gazillion Barriers To Keep You From Driving From One To The Other

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 6:04 pm

God, I hate idiots who build two parking lots next to each other, complete with a gazillion barriers to keep you from driving from one to the other.

And with that, I hereby cease airing grievances. Well, not really, half the stuff I blog about involves airing one grievance or another. I do, however, cease putting the phrase “Airing of Grievances” into the headings for the time being. Close enough?

December 20, 2006

Airing of Grievances: Debbie Schlussel

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 6:48 pm

If her shameful yet shameless handling of the Jill Carroll kidnapping were not bad enough, Schlussel reminds us once again why the world would be a better place of she would STFU already. Conservatives already have a great reason to vote against Bar(r)a(c)k Hussein Obama: he’s a freedom hating, race-card-playing socialist. Conservatives, liberals and moderates alike have another pretty good reason to oppose him in 2008: he’s a political neophyte who has no business even thinking about running for President until 2016 at the earliest – and then only if he accomplishes something significant in the meantime. But just because we all have at least good reasons to oppose the guy, why should that stop the cupid stunt from offering a totally crappy reason on top of that.

Hot tip: ‘Hat Air, or something like that. Baldilocks and Captain Ed have more.

UPDATE: Beth isn’t impressed, either. Is anyone? Other than Schlussel herself, that is.

UPDATE x2: Neither are Little Miss Attila and the Political Pitbull. Time for Carnival of Debbie Schlussel is a Cupid Stunt, Part Duh.

 

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