And make room for pointless knives.
At 12, I very nearly drowned. No need to bore you with the details, so long story short, I did something incredibly stupid even for a 12-year old, ended up trapped under water, and passed out knowing for sure that I was gone. After that I sank to the bottom of the pool, only to be rescued by my brother, who miraculously appeared on the scene minutes afterward. So sure I was that I was a goner, that when I started to come to I was still convinced I had died and gone to … well, not heaven or nirvana, but to some mildly unpleasant place about halfway between hell and New Jersey. As a result, I am one of the very few living individuals who know what it’s like to drown. Trust me: it sucks. However, it’s always pleasant to learn of famous people who know where you are coming from, so I was pleased as punch to learn that Cher and Lindsey Lohan recently had near-death experiences of their own.