I’m going to go out on a very short limb and predict (postdict?) that this slide was prepared by a woman. And not just any woman, mind you, but one who doesn’t watch SNL.
November 22, 2009
October 24, 2009
If there’s one thing worse than winning second place in a beauty contest, is placing fourth ugly pageant. TotalBeauty.com compiles statistics on education, exercise habits, smoking rates, sales of contraceptives, etc. and concludes there is less sex going on there than in any other city except Miami (!), Hagerstown, MD, and El Paso. This methodology is questionable. For one thing, some contraceptive purchases are unduly optimistic. For another, controlling for contraceptive purchases but not birth and abortion rates only indicates the rate of “safe” sex going on, not necessarily the rate of any kind of sex. Maybe Greensboro residents are less likely to take precautions? Or maybe they take silly “precautions” like Glenn Reynolds’s infamous “pull-out” method, which allegedly works just as well as the “use a broken condom” method but is significantly less effective than the “don’t stick it in there in the first place” method TotalBeauty assumes everyone is using instead. Similar problems may exist with Greensboro’s “bad teeth” rating; does fewer visits to the dentist really mean the teeth are worse, or coudl it mean they are healthier and fewer visits to the dentist are needed? And how do smoking rates tell us anything about nookie? It’s not as though we have some way of tracking which individual cigarettes are smoked after sex and which ones prevent sex from occurring in the first place by making the smoker smell like an ashtray.
And last but by no means least, how on earth do they reach the conclusion that “no sex generally equals less hot guys?” Are they suggesting that only men make up the obesity, smoking, bad teeth rates, etc., or that men find these traits attractive (or at least neutral) in women? Or do they think women will only do hot guys, while men will [censored] anything that moves? If anything, I think the opposite is true, looks-wise. I see ugly guys with hot women every day. When was the last time you saw the reverse? While TotalBeauty may claim to be “trusted” by 12 million women, one wonders whether such trust may be misplaced. After all, if their metrics really do measure ugliness effectively, but the ugliness ratio applies to both sexes equally, a high ugliness rate should not deter a reasonably attractive, non-uglyphilic member of either sex from seeking love in Greensboro. All it means is you won’t find as many attractive individuals to chase, but you’ll also face that much less competition over the attractive individuals you do find. In other words, a wash.
This is the point in the post where I would normally toss in a snarky remarky about Winston-Salem not being in Greensboro (even if Sitemeter can’t tell the difference), but author of the article has done it for me:
Winston-Salem got by unscathed, either because we’re so much lovelier on this side of the county line or because folks in Santa Monica, Calif., (where TotalBeauty’s editorial board is based, near as we can tell) don’t realize there’s more than one city in North Carolina.
July 23, 2009
Want to burglarize a store without having to set foot in it yourself? No problem, just train a monkey to do your dirty work for you.
July 21, 2009
Not sure there’s a right place for convicted cannibals, but if there is one, it sure as hell ain’t the same village where you got in trouble the first time.
July 20, 2009
Courtesy of Facebook (when it works), Kelly Hildebrandt will soon be marrying either his or her namesake.
July 19, 2009
Stopped for a bite during a layover at ATL, and ordered a Sweetwater and a cheeseburger. The waitress asked me if I wanted bacon or onions on the cheeseburger and I said yes, I’d like bacon on it. Her response? “Then I’ll need to see your ID.”
July 9, 2009
In a battle that went all the way to the Supreme Court, William Junge of Las Vegas was finally allowed to keep his license plate for his Tahoe that reads “hoe,” a term the Nevada DMV considered offensive due to its farming connotations. Either that, or they objected to the term on the grounds that it was false and misleading, as the Tahoe in question was not, in fact, manufactured anywhere near Lake Tahoe. Or maybe it was over the term’s imilarity to “ho,” a profession that is legal in most of the state but not in Mr. Junge’s home county of Clark. Or maybe it just reminds people of Don Imus, which I must admit is pretty grounds for banning just about anything. I don’t know. All I know is that if this case had gone any other way, I’d be trying even harder than I currently am (read: actually trying) to score one of those nifty plates that have made my state famous:
April 3, 2008
March 20, 2008
If a German surgeon ever pisses you off, don’t rip him a new one or he just might return the favor.