I guess just about anybody can be a judge in Nevada nowadays.

Note to self: if pulled over for DUI by a lady cop, don’t hit on her, and if you do, don’t even think of letting your wife find out about it.

Or something like that.

Finger food, part deux. This time, the story appears to be real.

UPDATE: Lonewacko offers yet another finger food story, this one involving Arby’s. His post comes complete with a Google ad for a coupon from … Arby’s. Here’s a screenshot for posterity. Thanks to Patterico for the pointer.

UPDATE x2: The finger-in-custard story takes a decidedly unfunny turn, with doctors saying that Brandon Fizer’s fingertip probably could have been re-attached, if the scumbag Clarence Stowers hadn’t refused to return it. This guy is even bigger scum than the woman who faked the finger incident at Wendy’s. The FoxNews story carries another misplaced Google Ad, for frozen custard. Do people actually pay Google to run these things?!

UPDATE x3: Patterico has more.

Q: Which of the following stories does not belong with the others?

A: Trick question. If you work for the Ass. Press, the answer is none.

Sgt. Hasan Akbar (no relation) is sorry that he murdered Air Force Maj. Gregory Stone and Army Capt. Christopher Seifert and wounded 14 others in Kuwait. Mr. Akbar nonexplained the attack thusly:

I felt that my life was in jeopardy, and I had no other options.

Asked if their own lives had ever been in jeopardy or if Akbar’s attack had left them with any other options of their own, Mssrs. Stone and Seifert declined to comment.

Meanwhile, in Germany, hungry crows have been blamed for a recent spate of exploding toads.

UPDATE: I’ll bet Akbar’s even sorrier now.

We’ve all heard the Bridezilla stories, the in-law-from-hell stories and whutnot, but best men usually come out smelling like a rose. Not this time. If I were the groom, what this guy did would just burn me up.

A couple years back, everyone’s favorite cannibal, Armin Meiwes of Kassel, Germany, was inexplicably convicted of manslaughter rather than murder. Now, the Associated Press reports that he’s scored himself a new trial. Unfortunately for him, that doesn’t mean what it sounds like. Apparently, Germans don’t have to worry about that pesky double-jeopardy rule. If Justices Kennedy and O’Connor get wind of it, neither will we.

How many industries can you name that ask the government to tax them, and the government says no?

UPDATE: This story is doubly silly given that the same legislature also considering a tax on strippers, (h/t: Reason) who don’t want to be taxed. I guess the only things that are really certain in life are death and unwanted taxes.

Meanwhile, the Ketchup Widow attacks Catholic bishops for … um … being Catholic (h/t: Drudge). Of the decision of certain bishops to deny communion to her subsidiary husband John, she says:

You cannot have bishops in the pulpit — long before or the Sunday before the election — as they did in Catholic churches, saying it was a mortal sin to vote for John Kerry,” she said.

Actually, in a country that prides itself on freedom of religion, you can have bishops in the pulpit saying whatever they want every day of teh week. Nevertheless but Ms. Ketchup offered no evidence anyone did.

Heinz Kerry gave no examples. Last year, a few ultraconservative prelates said they would not allow the Democratic nominee to receive communion in their dioceses. The bishop of Colorado Springs declared that Catholics voting for pro-choice candidates were not welcome at the communion rail.

OK, OK, so maybe she made up the part about mortal sins or voting. Now shove it. Ms. Widow then proceeds to offer a rare insight into the type of First Amendment jurisprudence our country would likely enjoy if her subsidiary husband had been elected:

“The church has a right and obligation to teach values,” Heinz Kerry declared. “They don’t have a right to restrict freedom of expression, which they did.”

Ah, I see. The church has a right to teach values, it just has no right to teach values that conflict with any viewpoints her subsidiary husband may feel like expressing. Maybe next year he’ll convert to atheism, and argue that that is consistent with his own personal brand of Catholicism, too. Better not do anything that restricts anyone’s “freedom of expression,” so I guess we’d better declare all religion unconstitutional right here and now. Can we still blog about it?

I do need to backtrack just a bit. While floating the question of what kinds of judges Mr. Ketchup Widow w0uld have appointed had he been elected, I presupposed that he wasn’t. Of the election, Ms. Charm had this to say:

COUNTING THE VOTES: Heinz Kerry is openly skeptical about results from November’s election, particularly in sections of the country where optical scanners were used to record votes.

“Two brothers own 80 percent of the machines used in the United States,” Heinz Kerry said. She identified both as “hard-right” Republicans. She argued that it is “very easy to hack into the mother machines.”

Oh well. I guess expecting a Democrat to accept that Democrats sometimes lose elections is also a violatino of their right to unbounded, consequence-free freedom of expression.

Meanwhile, the Associated Press reports on a number of fraudulent web sites owners who have recently gotten into trouble for fraudulently declaring their file sharing products “100% legal” - which is true only in the highly technical sense that possession of the software itself does not necessarily infringe anyone’s copyright. One allegedly reformed huckster, Todd Dugas of Boca Raton, FL, admitted to formerly running such a site in the past, which he now describes as “deceptive” and “a ripoff.” He added that he is working on a new site which, unlike the fraudulent ones that fraudulently claimed to be completely legal, will be, in his words, “completely legal.” That’s good to know.