damnum absque injuria

May 31, 2005

Terms of Use

Filed under:   by Xrlq @ 2:43 pm
  1. You, your spouse, your kids, any spambots spoofing your IP address while accessing this site, or any other person or persons who cannot be conclusively established not to be you (collectively, “You”) are hereby granted a one-time, royalty-free license to view the contents of that certain web site at xrlq.com, including all publicly viewable subdirectories thereof (collectively, the “Blog”). Such license may be revoked by the owner of the site, the blogger known has Xrlq (“I,” “Me,” “My”) at any time, for any reason or no reason. By viewing the Blog you agree to be bound by all of the terms of this Agreement.
  2. You agree not to view, copy or use any Blog content except for the following purposes: (1) entire pages may be copied into your web browser’s cache to faciliate reading the Blog, (2) individual passages, not to exceed 75 words in length (“Snippets”) may be posted on other web sites owned or controlled by You, provided each such Snippet shall be accompanied by a valid HTML hyperlink directing the reader to the specific Blog page from which the Snippet was obtained, or an English-language description of the URL which, although not in a format that can be read by computers, will enable a human reader to locate the applicable page with minimal effort (in either case, a “Link”). Snippets shall be neither derogatory nor misleading, provided, however, that I may, on a case-by-case basis, offer permission to You to quote Snippets that are either (1) misleadingly laudatory, or (2) too transparently derogatory to be taken seriously anyway.
  3. Except as provided in Section 2 above, You agree not to “deep link” or “top-level link” the Blog without the prior express written consent of Me, which may be provided by electronic mail.
  4. Mocking use of Snippets, is strictly forbidden. Any such use of two or more Snippets derived from a single Blog entry (in each instance, a “Fisking”) shall constitute both a violation of this Agreement and of applicable copyright law, and may be deemed libelous and a violation of My right of publicity as well. In the event you violate this Section 4, my remedies shall be cumulative.
  5. You represent and warrant that You are not George Soros, Michael Moore, any regular poster or contributor to Democratic Underground, Indymedia, MoveOn, Crooked Timber, Martini Republic, Dean for America, the Los Angeles Times, Talk/Yak Left or The Daily Kotze (each, a “Moonbat” and collectively, “Moonbats”), without My prior written consent, which consent may be unreasonably withtheld. Any unauthorized use of the Blog by Moonbats constitutes a material breach of this Agreement and will result in immediate damages, injunctive relief and ridicule.
  6. You further represent and warrant that you are not Michael Crook or an employee, member or affiliate of Morality in Media, the American Bar Association, Infotel, the National Lawyers’ Guild, Liberty Counsel, the Center for Constitutional Rights, the Recording Industry Association of America, al-Qaeda, the American Civil Liberties Union, any major labor union, al-Jazeera, Amnesty International, the Violence Policy Center, People for the American Way, the National Organization of Women, the Motion Picture Association of America, Legal Community Against Violence or any organization whose name includes the words “million” and “march” (each, an “Asshole” and collectively, “Assholes”). Any use of the Blog by Assholes (with or without My permission) is strictly prohibited and shall be subject to all the same remedies as unauthorized use by Moonbats, plus treble damages.
  7. You agree not to share any content from the Blog, or any information concerning the Blog, including its domain name, with any Assholes or Moonbats. Without limiting the foregoing, You are specifically prohibited from correcting any Asshole or Moonbat who erroneously refers to Me or the Blog as Xlrq, Xqrl, Xlrg, XLQ, or by any other permutation of My name which, if left uncorrected, may impair the ability of such Asshole or Moonbat, as applicable, to locate the Blog.
  8. You understand and agree that the Blog is My property and not Yours, and that a violation of this Agreement may cause substantial, irreparable damages to Me. Accordingly any breach of this Agreement by You will entitle me to actual damages suffered, or liquidated damages in the amount of $1,000,000, at My sole discretion. In the event I should breach this Agreement as to You, You shall be entitled to damages according to proof, provided, however, that I shall under no circumstances be liable to You in an amount exceeding $42.00.
  9. During the term of this Agreement, and unless and until I have banned You from the site, You may attempt to post non-commercial comments on any Blog entry that currently accepts comments, trackbacks or pingbacks (collectively, “Comments”). All Comments may, at My sole discretion, be displayed, removed, Fisked, or edited. In the event You post anything deemed by Me to be stupid, I reserve the right to edit such Comment to make it appear as though You had said something even stupider.
  10. Any dispute arising under this Agreement shall be submitted to binding arbitration. The arbitrator or arbitrators (in either case, the “Tribunal”) and the location of the arbitration shall be determined by Me, in My sole discretion.
  11. This Agreement may be amended at any time by Me, at my sole discretion, upon written notice. For purposes of this Section 11, any changes to this document shall constitute written notice to You, which You shall be conclusively presumed to have read and understood.
  12. You may terminate this Agreement at any time by leaving the Blog and certifying to Me in writing that all external quotes and links to or concerning the Blog (including any links Snippets previously allowed under Section 2) have been removed from all web sites to which You have editing privileges, and that all copies of any Blog pages have been purged from the cache of your web browser.
  13. This Agreement shall be governed by the laws of Alabama, including its conflict of laws provisions.
  14. Notwithstanding Section 13, I shall have all remedies available to Me under the Uniform Computer Information Transactions Act. Such remedies are in addition to, and not in lieu of, any other remedies that may be available to me at law, in equity, or otherwise.
  15. Should any provision of this Agreement be held to be vague or ambiguous, it shall be conclusively presumed that You and I played equal roles in drafting it, and the rule that ambiguities are construed against the drafting party shall not apply.

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